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| Copyright 2009 Emotionally Healthy Twins - Joan A. Friedman, PhD All rights reserved. |
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"I came across your website and resonated with some of the issues posted their concerning my daughters. My
daughters, "identical" twins, are just about to turn 20. Both are rather insecure. I never noticed them being
particularly clingy to one another as young children. In late middle school, one became determined She would never
invite her sister to come along and actually seemed to not want to spend any time with her. They don't overtly fight.
The dropped one was more dominant and controlling and was the first to request that they no longer share a
bedroom (this was always left as an option for them.) This remains the pattern to date and the dropped one pines
for her sister. She has struggled greatly with depression, loneliness and feelings of low self worth. None of the
therapists seem to have done much with the twin issue and they have never been willing to sit down with someone
together. It's always seemed to be a can of worms that both were afraid to talk about, but would instead act out.
daughters, "identical" twins, are just about to turn 20. Both are rather insecure. I never noticed them being
particularly clingy to one another as young children. In late middle school, one became determined She would never
invite her sister to come along and actually seemed to not want to spend any time with her. They don't overtly fight.
The dropped one was more dominant and controlling and was the first to request that they no longer share a
bedroom (this was always left as an option for them.) This remains the pattern to date and the dropped one pines
for her sister. She has struggled greatly with depression, loneliness and feelings of low self worth. None of the
therapists seem to have done much with the twin issue and they have never been willing to sit down with someone
together. It's always seemed to be a can of worms that both were afraid to talk about, but would instead act out.
"I appreciate your insight and concern about your daughters. It is so often the case that the “dominant” twin has
tremendous difficulty coping without having someone else to control. It is almost as if the twinship pattern has
organized the personality to such an extent that it lacks a resiliency and capacity to move beyond that attachment
pattern. I agree that treatment for both girls would be a gift and a necessity to help them work through these delicate
issues."
tremendous difficulty coping without having someone else to control. It is almost as if the twinship pattern has
organized the personality to such an extent that it lacks a resiliency and capacity to move beyond that attachment
pattern. I agree that treatment for both girls would be a gift and a necessity to help them work through these delicate
issues."